Glass House
It's almost the end of May in the year 2019.
Three weeks ago today I found out that my life would be forever changed.
You see...I spent that fateful Sunday calling all the phone numbers located in my husbands cell phone record in an attempt to find him. Our last contact with him was on Friday afternoon!
It took about four hours, maybe more, for the phone to ring. The phone call that would remove the scales from my eyes, allowing me to see how fragile the structure of my life had become.
It was a stone being thrown, only I didn't catch it and it shattered the walls of my pretty little glass house....into a million tiny shards with razor sharp edges.
Everything that I was holding onto, slipping through my fingers, my marriage, my retirement, 75% of my income, my families health insurance, part of my identity.....it was all going away! Nothing left except for droplets of blood and tears, old scars opened. My faith....SHAKEN!
After 18 years of living a military life, it felt like we (the kids and I) where guilty of the charges my husband was being held on.
We had no choice in the decision that lead him to be arrested and we most certainly can not even begin to understand the WHY of what he did.
It doesn't matter....Life isn't fair and I am suddenly the sole parent of my four daughters, the sole manager of our house, and financial future! I ALONE, must persevere....How do you hang onto hope when life sucks the oxygen out of your environment?
It feels like an eternity since I logged into the computer and saw that my husband was indeed in jail, over 2,000 miles away, with bail set at $100,000. The man that I just celebrated 24 years of marriage with....I could not believe it! There had to be a mistake!
I question God....why wasn't he dead? He could have had a heart attack, quick and final. Yes, I am aware of how very harsh that sounds. I could have mourned and been with my family, and moved on with our lives. We could have talked about what a great husband and father he was! I could have shared my grief. Instead, I can't even tell my younger girls why he is in jail. I feel ashamed, embarrassed. I want to run away, hide, seclude myself from everyone!
Three weeks ago today I found out that my life would be forever changed.
You see...I spent that fateful Sunday calling all the phone numbers located in my husbands cell phone record in an attempt to find him. Our last contact with him was on Friday afternoon!
It took about four hours, maybe more, for the phone to ring. The phone call that would remove the scales from my eyes, allowing me to see how fragile the structure of my life had become.
It was a stone being thrown, only I didn't catch it and it shattered the walls of my pretty little glass house....into a million tiny shards with razor sharp edges.
Everything that I was holding onto, slipping through my fingers, my marriage, my retirement, 75% of my income, my families health insurance, part of my identity.....it was all going away! Nothing left except for droplets of blood and tears, old scars opened. My faith....SHAKEN!
After 18 years of living a military life, it felt like we (the kids and I) where guilty of the charges my husband was being held on.
We had no choice in the decision that lead him to be arrested and we most certainly can not even begin to understand the WHY of what he did.
It doesn't matter....Life isn't fair and I am suddenly the sole parent of my four daughters, the sole manager of our house, and financial future! I ALONE, must persevere....How do you hang onto hope when life sucks the oxygen out of your environment?
It feels like an eternity since I logged into the computer and saw that my husband was indeed in jail, over 2,000 miles away, with bail set at $100,000. The man that I just celebrated 24 years of marriage with....I could not believe it! There had to be a mistake!
I question God....why wasn't he dead? He could have had a heart attack, quick and final. Yes, I am aware of how very harsh that sounds. I could have mourned and been with my family, and moved on with our lives. We could have talked about what a great husband and father he was! I could have shared my grief. Instead, I can't even tell my younger girls why he is in jail. I feel ashamed, embarrassed. I want to run away, hide, seclude myself from everyone!
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