Called to battle
I have many friends that I have prayed for and that I have supported and been there for them, but I have never felt so called to stand in the gap for another before as I am right now.
I have had many battles, for myself and family that I have sought out God, for guidance and wisdom. Although I must admit that often I then turn my deaf ears up towards heaven and pretend not to hear His reply. I am afraid...I am afraid that I will follow through and be left wanting. I can not believe that I am even saying this right now, that I am afraid that God will be like the fathers that I have had...that I will be abandoned, belittled, and unloved.
This is a revelation to me...
In this battle, I have done what I have never done before...believed! When the enemy attempts to plant seeds of doubt (and believe me they flood over me) I seek out God and know that He is present.
Maybe its easier because it's not my battle...maybe this is why God wants us to pray as teams because when we are the target of our enemy, we can not see as easily as those around can, emotion takes over. This morning I actually spent 2 hours reading my bible and notes from my journal...I started this day with no words, no direction, and doubt ebbing on the outskirts of my mind.
By the end of these hours, I had found words to encourage and strength to continue. Again, I know that this isn't about me, not in any way. The strength I seek is for others, for a child that has been abandoned, for a family that just wants to answer a calling, for a friend in need, most of all GOD called me to fight in this battle and I said YES!
I have had many battles, for myself and family that I have sought out God, for guidance and wisdom. Although I must admit that often I then turn my deaf ears up towards heaven and pretend not to hear His reply. I am afraid...I am afraid that I will follow through and be left wanting. I can not believe that I am even saying this right now, that I am afraid that God will be like the fathers that I have had...that I will be abandoned, belittled, and unloved.
This is a revelation to me...
In this battle, I have done what I have never done before...believed! When the enemy attempts to plant seeds of doubt (and believe me they flood over me) I seek out God and know that He is present.
Maybe its easier because it's not my battle...maybe this is why God wants us to pray as teams because when we are the target of our enemy, we can not see as easily as those around can, emotion takes over. This morning I actually spent 2 hours reading my bible and notes from my journal...I started this day with no words, no direction, and doubt ebbing on the outskirts of my mind.
By the end of these hours, I had found words to encourage and strength to continue. Again, I know that this isn't about me, not in any way. The strength I seek is for others, for a child that has been abandoned, for a family that just wants to answer a calling, for a friend in need, most of all GOD called me to fight in this battle and I said YES!
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